Family problems.

Tension hanging in the air so thickly you could plough it.

Father snapping at Mother.

Mother snapping at Brother.

Me playing ignorant little child.

A mask.

Life at home is a masquerade.

A game.

A game to be played with the utmost care lest one makes the wrong move.

Indifference.

Apathy.

A mask.

Everyone wears one these days.

I like to keep busy.

It stops me from brooding.

I like doing things for people.

It helps.

Stops me from thinking about it too much.

I like reading these days. That helps too. I call it escapism. It's so much easier to go into the shoes of the main character, than to confront the troubles that are hidden beneath masks of calmness.

Much easier. I know I shouldn't do this. I know i shouldn't run. But I'll stop soon. I know I have to.

For now, reading is like opening the door to another world. It IS opening the door to another world. If the book is about a troubled place, I can relate. If not, then I can reminisce for times long gone.

I wish, sometimes, that school lasted the whole year. Being at home only makes everything worse. I wish I could disappear. Go to another world. Anywhere.

I don't know what I believe in anymore. I don't know what life means anymore. Is it worth it? All these little lives, of people in war-torn countries like Cambodia, Vietnam, the Middle East. Is it worth it? Has anyone ever thought about the people they kill, the innocent civilians they murder when they initiate a war?

Or do they simply not care?

Has anyone ever sat down, and thought about these people? Not just the oil strike, or the losses or gain in the economy, but these people. These innocent people who die just because some higher power wants more land or more money. I wonder, sometimes, if this world is really what it claims to be---good, generous, safe, we destroy the environment just to earn money.

Do we stop to think what would happen if there wasn't an Earth in the first place?

Sometimes, I doubt it.

I think the world was a better place when humans had not evolved yet.

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