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2003-08-06, 5:50 p.m.:

I wouldn't mind living on my own. With the entire house to myself; for once, the house is silent. For once, I do not hear people shouting at each other for the most inane reasons. For once, I do not feel stressed or oppressed, for once in the entire month, I actually feel vaguely relaxed. For this moment, I am not living on the edge of my nerves, twitching at every little noise and interpreting it as a summons to dinner on time. The sky is faintly grey, a wonderfully gloomy colour. It is almost as if I was in a bed, and a blanket was being tucked around me. A rather safe feeling, one of being protected rather than being part of that large shelter for everyone. The wind is cool, and blows gently through my open windows, rather like a lady crossing the threshold of her lord's house, quietly and with grace evident in every single step. The house is so silent it appears to have taken itself on an impromptu holiday, or has taken leave and fallen asleep. Windchimes whisper softly in the tickling, playful breeze, chuckling with slight amusement as it watches me scribble madly on sheets of paper.

I should like to dis a ppear. Dissolve. Vanish, like the early morning mist rolling over green banks in a picture perfect world, like the dewdrops at dawn, catching the first train to the Sun.

And materialize again in a little cottage far, far away from here. I should like to shut my eyes and open them again to see, not the calender, reminding me of the days left until exam week, but rather soft, squashy armchairs arranged about the room carelessly, like tired dogs plonking themselves on the grass, like fat, bulging turkeys sitting squat on the floor, looking inviting. To see stubbly, thick, springy carpet rather than the cold and rather mild parquet that stares obstinately at me now. To feel rough, unvarnished wood when I place my hand on the table, and not the 'economical' painted driftwood they use nowadays.

To be able to feel the comforting heat of a fire roaring within the safe confines of the fireplace, and to be able to lose myself in its all-encompassing glow. To look out of my window and not see a blank, hard tar road that greets me stonily, but acres upon acres of wild, uncultivated lush grass and an abundance of cheery flowers, belonging to Nature and not Mankind. To be able to stretch my eyes to the horizon and see a wide expanse of forest area, and not a concrete jungle where people work for the state and are desk-bound.

Most of all, I wish to be able to crawl into a large and ridiculously comfortable bed whenever I wish. To be able to sprawl out on this absurdly enormous bed without having to fear falling over the edge sometime at night...

Imagine being able to slide between soft, crackly sheets of soft wool or linen, to be able to sink softly into cushions and pillows that are so stuffed they vaguely resemble marshmallows, and to be able to have that bed, that sanctuary to run to after a long day's work.

I should like to have that bed on rainy days at least, to be able to surrender to its comforting embrace with a book in my hands, to have a cup of coffee at my elbow, and the raindrops serenading to my roof outside my window...

Wouldn't you?

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