I have been studying for the entire day and thus hate myself for it, but am too tired to stop studying to contemplate how much I hate myself anyway.

Confusing?

Yes, I am quite thoroughly confused myself over this knack of mine to keep going until someone stops me or I trip.

I spent the entire day studying, and missed out on so much. I have stayed in my room for the whole day, missing so many things. So many beautiful, gloomy skies, so many gorgeous shadows and amusing antics of birds sitting outside my window, and so many chances to stand on my balcony and just relax.

I realise I'm like a machine whose instruction has been to keep going no matter what obstacle I hit, to just pick myself up and keep moving. While that is good in some ways, it isn't very good in the sense that I've been pretty much doing without thinking, moving like a robot.

Looking around me, all of my friends are in various stages of exhuastion and looking like they need a shoulder to cry on or a hug.

So tell me, why do we do this to ourselves?

Why do we persistently work ourselves to the bone studying and aiming for greater heights just because our parents tell us to? Ask anyone on the street today what they want to be when they grow up. I am willing to bet with you that whatever they wish to be when they grow up has either something to do with the life sciences or the corporate business. Tell them in turn that you want to be a musician or artist and get a funny look.

Pray tell me, what is wrong with aspiring to be an artist or musician?

The way I see it, if your child wants to be something else other than whatever you want them to be, then go ahead and let them do it! There is no point in forcing them into being something they plainly do not want to be because then they'd be living your dream and not their own.

Then what would be the point of having a child with a mind?

You might as well get a little toy copy of yourself to parade around!

And all around me, I hear people telling me they want to become this or that because, oh, their entire family is into it, or their parents told them to, or because you can get a beter salary, or more benefits or because it's the current trend nowadays.

Whatever happened to passion?

Whatever happened to getting a job because you love doing it, not because you see it as being filled with more perks and money?

Gods, today's society is so twisted and materialistic it makes me sick.

Honestly speaking; yes, a decent house would be nice, yes, some form of transport would be nice, but I would be equally happy being a nomad if that was my dream!

Then, there are those who are willing to fork out one million dollars just for the sake of a name.

Exactly, the Tessarina, and the entire slew of new condominiums that have begun springing up all over Singapore. The name alone is enough to get me fuming. Pray tell me, why would anyone in their right minds pay one million dollars for a tiny flat with barely enough space for a cockroach to live in, and no bigger than a perfectly good HDB flat? What's more, HDB estates usually have a market cum hawker centre across the road, so at least it's convenient for its residents to buy their groceries!

The Tessarina? It hasn't got any shops within its compound, nor does it look faintly glamorous either. The design is simply horrendous and I daresay the kitchen isn't well-planned either. For one million dollars, you get a living area the size of my cupboard and a name! It isn't as if the facilities really are that great anyway! There are some things in this world that really are worth paying large sums of money for, like a good car that has an established record, but what's so good about a small flat with nothing in it?

Sometimes, the human mind baffles me.

Is it worth it?

Studying yourself to a frayed thread just so you can live your parents' dream and get the 5Cs and live a materialistic life?

I don't know, but it worries me to see so many people becoming lawyers or scientist or getting a well-paying job because they want the money or they want the recognition.

What about being passionate? What about feeling for things?

If you want to enjoy your life, and live it to the fullest, to hell with what people say. If there isn't anything morally wring with what you want to do, then go ahead.

Live your dream.

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